Thursday, September 07, 2006

Dr. Phil's Test -- Paula's Version

This one keeps cropping up in my inbox. For some of the questions, there is simply no answer that really fits me, so I thought I’d have some fun with it here in blogland. Let’s go…!

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night

Gee, that all depends on the day and what I have to do. If I wake up a couple of hours before everyone else in the house and can spend time with some knitting/spinning project, a dog or two curled up near me, and a good audio book, then morning is the best time. EARLY morning! Everything starts to go downhill once I have to stop knitting and wake people up so they won’t be late for school/job/choir. Crikey, it’s like herding cats. Most ungratifying…

2. You usually walk…

a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly

Hmm…in an ideal world, I guess I would walk quickly, with a fairly long stride. However, at age 44, with pronated ankles, flat feet, and a couple of spectacular ankle-injuring falls in my recent past, I tend to go more slowly and watch the ground for possible hazards. But I WANT to go faster, with a long stride. Do I get any points for intent? Probably not. Drat these flippy-floppy ankles!

3. When talking to people you…

a) stand with your arms folded
b) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

WHERE, pray tell, is “stand with your hands in your pockets?” Folding one’s arms looks aggressive. Clasping one’s hands looks too prayerful in ordinary circumstances. Hands on hips looks like a challenge. And who pushes another person, unless trying to provoke a fight? OK, so sometimes I run my hand through my hair, but…mostly it’s hands in pockets if I’m standing. Hands occupied with knitting or spindlling if seated.

4.When relaxing, you sit with…

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you

A good knitting project, thank you very much! Legs tend to be restless. Hard to find a confortable position for them, so position varies every few minutes.

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile

Well, I don’t always respond the same way. Depends on the situation. If we are discussing “merkins” versus “firkins” or “gesso” versus “jism,” then guffaws turn into soundless wheezing with tears. Sometimes a joke is only worth a small chuckle, or in cases of utterly poor taste where one doesn’t wish to be as rude as the person telling the joke, the sheepish smile will do. No simple answers, really, are there?

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you…

a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

Depends on the nature of the party, doesn’t it? If it’s a gang of hubby’s co-workers, then I tag along with him, get introduced to myriad people, and sit in a corner with my “security knitting” at the earliest possible opportunity. This often ends up being a crowd draw, although it wasn’t intended to be. People talk about some dear departed relative who “used to do that” and the time passes nicely while people enjoy telling their stories and I continue to knit. In a group of textile friends, why be quiet? We all know each other, we aren’t shy. In a situation like that, I can be pretty extroverted. But in most situations, I try to make a quiet entrance and stay unnoticed until I have determined how comfortable I am being there in the first place.

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. You...

a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

This one I can honestly say that I vary between the two extremes,leaning more towards irritation. When I die, my epitaph will read: “What do you want NOW????”

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue or purple
f) white
g) brown or gray

Ooh, this is just NOT FAIR! How about ranking in order of preference instead? 1) Black 2) Purple/Dark blue 3) Green 4) Gray/Brown 5) Red (and it had better be a bluish red, NOT an orangey red!) 6) Orange (Must be its own separate entity, not part of Red!) 7) Yellow

I do not care for White or Light blue much at all.

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before
going to sleep you are…

a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers

Oy veh, here’s one of those “in an ideal world” questions again! I LOVE to fall asleep on my back. Trouble is, within five minutes hubby is elbowing me to turn over because I’m snoring. Loudly. And he can no longer hear his television program. So I must sleep on my side. The left side. Still snoring, but pointed away from hubby, and the snoring isn’t quite as bad when I’m lying on my side. But for an afternoon nap when no one is around to hear but the dogs…I lie on my back. And I snore. So do they. All three of ’em.

10. You often dream that you are...

a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

In highly improbable situations. Sometimes this is funny and I wake up laughing. Sometimes it’s scary and I just wake up, take a good swig of water, and try to go back to sleep again. I often don’t remember what I dreamed by morning.

Now…how do I e-mail this to Dr. Phil? And more importantly, how would he score me if he read this?

Happy day, y’all!