And sometimes I just get punchy...

Call me a curmudgeon for this if you like, but I have always detested the Pina Colada Song. Every time I used to hear it come up on my co-workers’ radios, I found myself offering silent rebuttals in my head. So, without further ado…something I have wanted to do for awhile now…

Overanalyzing the Pina Colada song.

I was tired of my lady
we'd been together too long
like a worn out recording of a favorite song…

You think you’re tired of me???? Maybe you oughta wash your own crusty jockey shorts. As for cooking dinner for yourself, don’t make me laugh! You don’t even know how to open a can of soup. Can you say, starve?????

So while she lay there sleeping,
I read the paper in bed;
and in the personal columns,
there was this letter I read.

If you like Pina Coladas
and getting caught in the rain,
If you're not into yoga,
if you have half a brain.
If you like making love at midnight,
in the dunes of the Cape,
then I'm the love that you've looked for,
write to me and escape.

Well, you’ve gotten really BORING lately, man. And what ever happened to that half a brain you had once upon a time????

I didn't think about my lady,
I know that sounds kinda mean.
well me and my old lady,
had fallen into that same old dull routine.

Eat, sleep, sex, football. Eat, sleep, sex, football…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…and whose fault is that?????

So I wrote to the paper,
took out a personal ad,
and though I'm nobody's poet,
I thought it wasn't half bad.

Ha! Well, you still have more than half an ego, at any rate…

Yes, I like Pina Coladas,
and getting caught in the rain,
I'm not much into health food,
I am into champagne.

Yeah, if it’s Andre’s el-cheapo rot-gut…

I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon,
and cut through all this red tape,
at a bar called O'Malley's,
and we'll plan our escape.

Perhaps you should listen to Nick Cave’s song about O’Malley’s Bar sometime…

So I waited with high hopes,
and she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant,
I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady,
and she said, "Aw, it's you!"
and we laughed for a moment,
and I said, "I never knew..."

That you were married to a Lorena Bobbit wanna-be? Surprise, surprise, surprise!!!!!

That you liked Pina Coladas,
and getting caught in the rain,
and the feel of the ocean,
and the taste of champange.
If you like making love at midnight,
in the dunes of the Cape,
your the lady I've looked for,
come with me and escape.

Can you say, permanent vacation?
(Sound of chainsaw firing up in the background.)
Say hello to my little friend!!!! Buwahahahahaaaaaaaa...

If you like Pina Coladas
and getting caught in the rain,
If you're not into yoga,
if you have half a brain.
If you like making love at midnight,
in the dunes of the Cape,
then I'm the love that you've looked for,
write to me and escape.

Who wants to escape next???? Buwahahahahaaaaaaaa...